by Rich Alderson
This pattern goes all the way back to Old English (alias
Anglo-Saxon). It's the same reason many of us say that someone is
"5 foot 2" rather than "5 feet 2".
The source of the idiom is the old genitive plural, which did not
end in -s, and did not contain a high front vowel to trigger umlaut
("foot" vs "feet"). When the ending was lost because of regular
phonetic developments, the pattern remained the same, and it now
seemed that the singular rather than the plural was in use.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
how to Raise a Happy Toddler
Like any parent who wants the best for her children, Trish Bragg has done everything she can to make sure Isabel, Charlie, and Madeline are healthy, have plenty of stimulating activities to fill their day, and are loved unconditionally. Yet, like many, she struggles with parenting's million-dollar question: Are my kids happy? "Among all my friends, that's what we want to know," Bragg says.
What makes children happy may surprise you. Child development experts who study the subject say that happiness isn't something you can give a child like a prettily wrapped present. In fact, says Edward Hallowell, psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, over-indulged children — whether showered with toys or shielded from emotional discomfort — are more likely to grow into teenagers who are bored, cynical, and joyless. "The best predictors of happiness are internal, not external," says Hallowell, who stresses the importance of helping kids develop a set of inner tools they can rely on throughout life.
The good news is you don't have to be an expert in child psychology to impart the inner strength and wisdom it takes to weather life's ups and downs. With patience and flexibility, any parent can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of happiness.
Learn to read the signs
When your child was a baby and toddler, you probably had a good sense of whether he was happy or sad. His face lit up in a huge smile when you came home, and he sobbed endlessly when the dog shredded his favorite blankie.
Now that he's older, his emotions are more complex. But fortunately, his ability to control them is growing stronger. Still, the outward signs of whether he's happy or unhappy aren't hard to read. A happy child smiles, plays, shows curiosity, socializes with other children, and doesn't need constant stimulation.
Conversely, says Hallowell, the signs of an unhappy child are clear: The child "is withdrawn, quiet, not eating very much, doesn't spontaneously get involved with other children, doesn't play, doesn't ask questions, doesn't laugh and smile, and has very spare speech."
If you have a naturally shy or introverted child who doesn't laugh or interact a lot, that doesn't mean he's unhappy. Shyness is not the same as sadness, but you'll have to work harder to read his signs. Hallowell says to be aware of any major changes in his behavior — becoming more isolated or fearful — that might suggest he's having problems you should pay attention to.
Paul C. Holinger, professor of psychiatry at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke's Medical Center in Chicago, has identified nine inborn "signals" that babies use to communicate their feelings. You can recognize these signals in your preschooler also. Two of the signals, "interest" and "enjoyment,", are positive feelings, while the negative signals, especially "distress," "anger," and "fear," add up to an unhappy child.
Most parents recognize that a fearful, easily upset child isn't a happy camper, but Holinger finds that many parents don't recognize that an angry child is usually expressing sadness. No matter the age, "anger is simply excessive distress," says Holinger. When your child hits his brother or yells "I hate you!" it means he's distressed beyond his ability to deal with it.
Your child probably has his own ways of showing you when he's going through a hard time. Some kids may withdraw, some may throw tantrums, and still others may become clingy. As you get to know your own child's temperament, you'll become better at learning the signs that something's not right in his world. For more insights into your child's natural temperament
What makes children happy may surprise you. Child development experts who study the subject say that happiness isn't something you can give a child like a prettily wrapped present. In fact, says Edward Hallowell, psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, over-indulged children — whether showered with toys or shielded from emotional discomfort — are more likely to grow into teenagers who are bored, cynical, and joyless. "The best predictors of happiness are internal, not external," says Hallowell, who stresses the importance of helping kids develop a set of inner tools they can rely on throughout life.
The good news is you don't have to be an expert in child psychology to impart the inner strength and wisdom it takes to weather life's ups and downs. With patience and flexibility, any parent can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of happiness.
Learn to read the signs
When your child was a baby and toddler, you probably had a good sense of whether he was happy or sad. His face lit up in a huge smile when you came home, and he sobbed endlessly when the dog shredded his favorite blankie.
Now that he's older, his emotions are more complex. But fortunately, his ability to control them is growing stronger. Still, the outward signs of whether he's happy or unhappy aren't hard to read. A happy child smiles, plays, shows curiosity, socializes with other children, and doesn't need constant stimulation.
Conversely, says Hallowell, the signs of an unhappy child are clear: The child "is withdrawn, quiet, not eating very much, doesn't spontaneously get involved with other children, doesn't play, doesn't ask questions, doesn't laugh and smile, and has very spare speech."
If you have a naturally shy or introverted child who doesn't laugh or interact a lot, that doesn't mean he's unhappy. Shyness is not the same as sadness, but you'll have to work harder to read his signs. Hallowell says to be aware of any major changes in his behavior — becoming more isolated or fearful — that might suggest he's having problems you should pay attention to.
Paul C. Holinger, professor of psychiatry at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke's Medical Center in Chicago, has identified nine inborn "signals" that babies use to communicate their feelings. You can recognize these signals in your preschooler also. Two of the signals, "interest" and "enjoyment,", are positive feelings, while the negative signals, especially "distress," "anger," and "fear," add up to an unhappy child.
Most parents recognize that a fearful, easily upset child isn't a happy camper, but Holinger finds that many parents don't recognize that an angry child is usually expressing sadness. No matter the age, "anger is simply excessive distress," says Holinger. When your child hits his brother or yells "I hate you!" it means he's distressed beyond his ability to deal with it.
Your child probably has his own ways of showing you when he's going through a hard time. Some kids may withdraw, some may throw tantrums, and still others may become clingy. As you get to know your own child's temperament, you'll become better at learning the signs that something's not right in his world. For more insights into your child's natural temperament
Angelina Jolie gives birth to twins
Sun Jul 13, 1:53 AM ET
PARIS - Angelina Jolie's doctor says the actress has given birth to a girl and a boy.
ADVERTISEMENT
Dr. Michel Sussmann told The Associated Press that Jolie, the babies and Jolie's partner, Brad Pitt, "are doing marvelously well."
Sussmann confirmed a report in the local Nice Matin newspaper that Jolie gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline, by Cesarian section on Saturday night.
He told the AP on Sunday morning that the boy weighed 5.03 pounds and the girl 5 pounds.
from Yahoo News!!
PARIS - Angelina Jolie's doctor says the actress has given birth to a girl and a boy.
ADVERTISEMENT
Dr. Michel Sussmann told The Associated Press that Jolie, the babies and Jolie's partner, Brad Pitt, "are doing marvelously well."
Sussmann confirmed a report in the local Nice Matin newspaper that Jolie gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline, by Cesarian section on Saturday night.
He told the AP on Sunday morning that the boy weighed 5.03 pounds and the girl 5 pounds.
from Yahoo News!!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Dealing with Crying
Ways You should look Beyond Crying
Almost always, we're often told that we should not let our emotions be expressed in the workplace. Sabi nila, when we cry at work, we tend to creat confusion and tend to upset those around us or people working with us.
People will make up reasons for you like: Did somebody hurt her? was she fired? what have she done this time??? It's another case of "Parting Time" blues, is she feeling well???
So let me share some insights..ideas on how to deal with crying at work:
1. Let the Storm Pass: Finish out the crying in a way that's appropriate to the particular nature of your workplace. Wait until later in the day, after you've regained your center naturally, to analyze your crying.
2. Rerun the Situation: Look at your crying as if you were analyzing a crime scene. Take time to look into what really happened before you add emotion to the picture. Who was there? Who said what? What happened?
3. Identify the Related Emotions: Did you feel sadness? Anger? Frustration? Confusion?
4. Name the Trigger: What set off the crying? See if you can connect the crying with something in the moment. For example, did someone sideline your work? Take credit for something unduly? Remind you of a past failure? Make you think about what you'd rather be doing? If there was no trigger, ask yourself if the crying has been ongoing for weeks. If so, consider seeing a counselor to determine if you are suffering from depression.
5. Ask Yourself What Gave the Situation Teeth: Although some people cry more easily than others, it is always a sign of powerful emotions. What was so difficult about the situation that it caused tears?
6. Ask Yourself If Your Reaction Matched the Situation: If you receive a pink slip and cry, that's understandable. If you present an idea that's met with reasonable and unabusive disagreement, crying is not warranted and may signal hidden origins.
7. Dig Further: If you still feel like you don't have a handle on what caused the crying or what you were feeling, journaling or talking through the situation with a good friend may help you discover it.
8. Set a Course of Action: Once you understand the situation, start on a plan to make your life better. Taking steps toward improving the situation is empowering and will ultimately lead you to a more peaceful, powerful place. Even if the problem turns out to be major, you could develop a five-year plan, incorporating counseling, training, job changes and life changes.
So, whenever you feel like crying...family problem, work related, love related or the last soap opera made you so cry-ola....try these useful tips.
Almost always, we're often told that we should not let our emotions be expressed in the workplace. Sabi nila, when we cry at work, we tend to creat confusion and tend to upset those around us or people working with us.
People will make up reasons for you like: Did somebody hurt her? was she fired? what have she done this time??? It's another case of "Parting Time" blues, is she feeling well???
So let me share some insights..ideas on how to deal with crying at work:
1. Let the Storm Pass: Finish out the crying in a way that's appropriate to the particular nature of your workplace. Wait until later in the day, after you've regained your center naturally, to analyze your crying.
2. Rerun the Situation: Look at your crying as if you were analyzing a crime scene. Take time to look into what really happened before you add emotion to the picture. Who was there? Who said what? What happened?
3. Identify the Related Emotions: Did you feel sadness? Anger? Frustration? Confusion?
4. Name the Trigger: What set off the crying? See if you can connect the crying with something in the moment. For example, did someone sideline your work? Take credit for something unduly? Remind you of a past failure? Make you think about what you'd rather be doing? If there was no trigger, ask yourself if the crying has been ongoing for weeks. If so, consider seeing a counselor to determine if you are suffering from depression.
5. Ask Yourself What Gave the Situation Teeth: Although some people cry more easily than others, it is always a sign of powerful emotions. What was so difficult about the situation that it caused tears?
6. Ask Yourself If Your Reaction Matched the Situation: If you receive a pink slip and cry, that's understandable. If you present an idea that's met with reasonable and unabusive disagreement, crying is not warranted and may signal hidden origins.
7. Dig Further: If you still feel like you don't have a handle on what caused the crying or what you were feeling, journaling or talking through the situation with a good friend may help you discover it.
8. Set a Course of Action: Once you understand the situation, start on a plan to make your life better. Taking steps toward improving the situation is empowering and will ultimately lead you to a more peaceful, powerful place. Even if the problem turns out to be major, you could develop a five-year plan, incorporating counseling, training, job changes and life changes.
So, whenever you feel like crying...family problem, work related, love related or the last soap opera made you so cry-ola....try these useful tips.
101 Most Romantic Things to do for your wife (...Lord, sana mabasa ni Husband...????)
101 Most Romantic/Passionate/Sweet Things To
Do For Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend
1. Watch the sunset together.
2. Take showers together.
3. Back rubs/massages.
4. Listen to classical music and cuddle in
the dark or w/ blacklight.
5. French Kiss.
6. Hold her w/ hands inside
7. Whisper to each other.
8. Cook for each other.
9. Skinny dip.
10. Make out in the rain.
11. Dress each other.
12. Undress each other.
13. Kiss every part of their body.
14. Hold hands.
15. Sleep together. (Actually sleep witheach other, not sex)
16. One word: Foreplay
17. Sit and talk in just underwear.
18. Buy gifts for each other.
19. Roses.
20. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
21. Wear his clothes.
22. Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars.
23. Incense/candles/oils/blacklights and music make for great cuddling/sex.
24. Kiss at every chance you get.
25. Don't wear underwear and let them find out.
26. Kinky is bad; Blindfolds are good.
27. Lightly kiss their collarbone and their jawbone just below the ear, then whisper I love you.
28. Bubble baths.
29. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
30. Make love.
31. Write poetry for each other.
32. Kiss/smell her hair.
34. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
35. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry
etc.
36. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie.
37. Spend every second possible together.
38. Tell her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. And mean it. 39. Hold her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, 40. kiss her lightly.
41. Talk to each other using only body language and your eyes.
42. When in public, only flirt w/ each other.
43. Walk behind her and put your hands in her front pockets.
44. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.
45. Clothes are no fun.
46. Buy her a ring.
47. Keep one of her bras somewhere where you see it everyday.
48. Sing to each other.
49. Read to each other.
50. PDA = Public Display of Affection.
51. Take advantage of any time alone together.
52. Tell her about how you answered every question in math with her name
53. Draw. (If you can)
54. Let her sit on your lap.
55. Go hiking and camp out together in the woods or on a mountain.
56. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, and fingers, and cheeks, and collarbones, and hands, and ears.
57. Kiss her stomach.
58. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
59. Guys like half-shirts.
60. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
61. Spaghetti (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
62. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kissher hand and then put it over your heart.
63. Unless you can feel their hear beating,you aren't close enough.
64. Dance together.
65. Sit in front of a roaring fire and make out/make love.
66. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.
67. Carry her to bed.
68. Waterbeds are fun.
69. You figure it out.
70. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
71. Break every one of your parent's relationship rules for them.
72. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
73. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
74. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
75. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
76. Ride your bike 8 miles just to see them for a few hours.
77. Ride home and call them.
78. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
79. Somehow incorporate them into any kind of religion or worship you have.
80. Be Prince Charming to her parents. (Brownie Points)
81. Act out mutual fantasies together. (Not necessarily sexual)
82. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
83. Stay up all night to think of 101 ways to be sweet to them.
84. Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points)
85. Go to church/pray/worship together.
86. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
87. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night.
88. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.
89. Everyone deserves a second chance.
90. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
91. Make sacrifices for each other.
92. Really love each other, or don't stay together.
93. Write a fictional story about how you met/fell in love, etc. and give it to them.
94. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
95. Love yourself before you love anyone else.
96. Buy a necklace w/ her name on it.
97. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
98. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
99. Sleep naked together.
100. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
101. Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."
Do For Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend
1. Watch the sunset together.
2. Take showers together.
3. Back rubs/massages.
4. Listen to classical music and cuddle in
the dark or w/ blacklight.
5. French Kiss.
6. Hold her w/ hands inside
7. Whisper to each other.
8. Cook for each other.
9. Skinny dip.
10. Make out in the rain.
11. Dress each other.
12. Undress each other.
13. Kiss every part of their body.
14. Hold hands.
15. Sleep together. (Actually sleep witheach other, not sex)
16. One word: Foreplay
17. Sit and talk in just underwear.
18. Buy gifts for each other.
19. Roses.
20. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
21. Wear his clothes.
22. Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars.
23. Incense/candles/oils/blacklights and music make for great cuddling/sex.
24. Kiss at every chance you get.
25. Don't wear underwear and let them find out.
26. Kinky is bad; Blindfolds are good.
27. Lightly kiss their collarbone and their jawbone just below the ear, then whisper I love you.
28. Bubble baths.
29. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
30. Make love.
31. Write poetry for each other.
32. Kiss/smell her hair.
34. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
35. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry
etc.
36. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie.
37. Spend every second possible together.
38. Tell her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. And mean it. 39. Hold her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, 40. kiss her lightly.
41. Talk to each other using only body language and your eyes.
42. When in public, only flirt w/ each other.
43. Walk behind her and put your hands in her front pockets.
44. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.
45. Clothes are no fun.
46. Buy her a ring.
47. Keep one of her bras somewhere where you see it everyday.
48. Sing to each other.
49. Read to each other.
50. PDA = Public Display of Affection.
51. Take advantage of any time alone together.
52. Tell her about how you answered every question in math with her name
53. Draw. (If you can)
54. Let her sit on your lap.
55. Go hiking and camp out together in the woods or on a mountain.
56. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, and fingers, and cheeks, and collarbones, and hands, and ears.
57. Kiss her stomach.
58. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
59. Guys like half-shirts.
60. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
61. Spaghetti (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
62. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kissher hand and then put it over your heart.
63. Unless you can feel their hear beating,you aren't close enough.
64. Dance together.
65. Sit in front of a roaring fire and make out/make love.
66. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.
67. Carry her to bed.
68. Waterbeds are fun.
69. You figure it out.
70. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
71. Break every one of your parent's relationship rules for them.
72. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
73. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
74. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
75. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
76. Ride your bike 8 miles just to see them for a few hours.
77. Ride home and call them.
78. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
79. Somehow incorporate them into any kind of religion or worship you have.
80. Be Prince Charming to her parents. (Brownie Points)
81. Act out mutual fantasies together. (Not necessarily sexual)
82. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
83. Stay up all night to think of 101 ways to be sweet to them.
84. Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points)
85. Go to church/pray/worship together.
86. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
87. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night.
88. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.
89. Everyone deserves a second chance.
90. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
91. Make sacrifices for each other.
92. Really love each other, or don't stay together.
93. Write a fictional story about how you met/fell in love, etc. and give it to them.
94. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
95. Love yourself before you love anyone else.
96. Buy a necklace w/ her name on it.
97. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
98. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
99. Sleep naked together.
100. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
101. Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."
Tragedies
Tragedies: Just when we thought we're resurrecting from the biggest blow in our family life, my dad lost his job, my 7 months old niece needs immeidate medical attention for possiblities to go blind, my 2 other siblings needs to be enrolled to college (nursing), my brother's wife left him for another leaving me 3 kids to care for and the only person who stood for everybody (also referred to as "Mommy of perpetual help" is sick!
For a while I felt the world stood still. It's like it's impossible to 'snap out of it' that I feel as though I cannot do ANYTHING...How wanted to end it all 'cause I hate what I'm into and it is tourtue to live and pretend that life is alright.But somehow something happened. After a liter of tears and sored knees from the hard pew of San Pedro Cathedral, I realized that I should stop acting like the lead of my favorite telenovela and just try to see the better side of life.
Maybe because I've become better off because of these things that are unexpectedly happening to us. I don t brag about the sufferings me and my family had endured especially my mom and dad, and I have no plans on counting all the tragedies we have endured all these lifetime, simply because Tragedies are not something one can chose to occur, nor are they something one can make occur.
This is not rebellion, but I feel that in order to become better, I must be brought low, I must suffer, so I bring myself into this depressing situation because sometimes I feel I deserve it. I've gone through tragedy enough to relate and to be accepted with them.I'm sure to some may think I sound like a twisted thinker, but life no matter how bad it is should be viewed positively as possible. Everything happens for a reason and maybe it's God's way of shaking us a bit and realize that it is not how much we have but how much we enjoy about the little things that we have that brings happiness.
People may step on our pride...think ill of us despite the good things we did for them, but for as long as we know the truth and we do the most honest and the best thing we can give, we have bigger chances to overcome all these.
My suggestion for living when you feel like this is to to throw all caution to the wind. Eat an entire gallon of ice cream. Why not? who cares? Eventually, you'll find that while you may not stop hating life, you'll be able to tolerate it. and you'll discover that occasionally, you'll actually find joy in a few little things. Don't rush trying to find joy in things. It may come eventually. Just work on trying to tolerate life for now. And keep doing things. If anything, they make the days pass by faster.
For a while I felt the world stood still. It's like it's impossible to 'snap out of it' that I feel as though I cannot do ANYTHING...How wanted to end it all 'cause I hate what I'm into and it is tourtue to live and pretend that life is alright.But somehow something happened. After a liter of tears and sored knees from the hard pew of San Pedro Cathedral, I realized that I should stop acting like the lead of my favorite telenovela and just try to see the better side of life.
Maybe because I've become better off because of these things that are unexpectedly happening to us. I don t brag about the sufferings me and my family had endured especially my mom and dad, and I have no plans on counting all the tragedies we have endured all these lifetime, simply because Tragedies are not something one can chose to occur, nor are they something one can make occur.
This is not rebellion, but I feel that in order to become better, I must be brought low, I must suffer, so I bring myself into this depressing situation because sometimes I feel I deserve it. I've gone through tragedy enough to relate and to be accepted with them.I'm sure to some may think I sound like a twisted thinker, but life no matter how bad it is should be viewed positively as possible. Everything happens for a reason and maybe it's God's way of shaking us a bit and realize that it is not how much we have but how much we enjoy about the little things that we have that brings happiness.
People may step on our pride...think ill of us despite the good things we did for them, but for as long as we know the truth and we do the most honest and the best thing we can give, we have bigger chances to overcome all these.
My suggestion for living when you feel like this is to to throw all caution to the wind. Eat an entire gallon of ice cream. Why not? who cares? Eventually, you'll find that while you may not stop hating life, you'll be able to tolerate it. and you'll discover that occasionally, you'll actually find joy in a few little things. Don't rush trying to find joy in things. It may come eventually. Just work on trying to tolerate life for now. And keep doing things. If anything, they make the days pass by faster.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Good conversations
Hi!
Well not to much to update for you.
Today I had a fabulous conversation with a long time friend. We haven’t seen each other for sometime but I feel that there is still a connection between us no matter how the distance or time we have been apart. A great inspiration that is in the know of the practicality and whims of life. The Angst of a writer and unrequited emotions for a family, a friend, a lover…this person really rocks! He can put words into meaningful prose’s start a conversation from the depth and end it with a hilarious bang! We talk about all manner of things from religion, to evolution, literature.. It was so fabulous.... oh how I miss intelligent conversation!!! Not that my husband or my son doesn’t provide me with it, but sometimes, you just have to stop and smell the flowers.
I love learning from conversations…. I really don't want to take anything away from that. But my conversation tonight was so fast passed and varied. It’s just crazy smart conversation nothing need be translated, so nice, and so rare…who would have guessed?! I have not met anyone like this! I am probably over doing it as I do when I get excited. We all know this by know, but good conversation is so hard to find!
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