I loved you from the very start,
You stole my breath, embraced my heart.
Our life together has just begun
You're part of me my little one.
As mother with child, each day I grew,
My mind was filled with thoughts of you.
I'd daydream of the things we'd share,
Like late-night bottles and Teddy bears.
Like first steps and skinned knees,
Like bedtime stories and ABC's.
I thought of things you'd want to know,
Like how birds fly and flowers grow.
I thought of lessons I'd need to share,
Like standing tall and playing fair.
When I first saw your precious face,
I prayed your life be touched with grace.
I thanked the angels from above,
And promised you unending love.
Each night I lay you down to sleep,
I gently kiss your head and cheek.
I count your little fingers and toes;
I memorize your eyes and nose.
I linger at your nursery door,
Awed each day I love you more.
Through misty eyes, I dim the light,
I whisper, "I love you" every night.
I loved you from the very start,
You stole my breath, embraced my heart.
As mother and child our journeys begin,
My heart's yours forever little one.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Coping with Miscarriage
Truth is, I am depressed, sad and very disappointed.
I wish there's a timetable for healing??? It's hard, and the emotional weakness gets better, but never goes away.
Healing from the loss and healing from the physical pain of the D&C (Dilatation and curettage, a procedure to remove the tissue remaining in the uterus) is a hard process my husband and I are going through. Of course we still need to settle our expensive medical bills. Philhealth and GSIS Hospital Discount was not sufficient to cover all the expense.
Right now, I don't feel like going to baby showers, going to supermarkets where there are lots of pregnant women everywhere, or pass by the baby's isle...Its my way of trying to give myself permission not to go to those things. It's a natural feeling I have within me to protect myself a little bit.
For me, women don't get over miscarriage... maybe one can make peace with time and move on but somehow its something I will never forget. Even if the pregnancy was abruptly planned , its still a loss. Even if me and your better half is ambivalent about the whole pregnancy...its still a child... forever will be a part of us and something that i will never forget.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I had miscarriage
Last February 19, 2009 doctor's Appointment with my obgyn confirmed i was approx. 5 weeks pregnant. I was sooo excited. She measured the uterus and said it was a bit small, so she sent me in for an ultrasound "just to check".
I wasn't worried at all...just excited to see the baby, and I knew we had heartbeat and movement.
I wanted a baby more than anything else in the world.
I longed to be a mommy again and I wasn't going to give up on this dream without a fight. What could possibly be wrong?
Not until Friday, when all the world fell apart. I was bleeding and had to be rushed to the hospital! Monday came, February 23, 2009 I lost my baby just when i knew i was 5 weeks pregnant. its really hard and i don't know if I should blame myself for the situation i brought myself into ???? i dot know but it truly pains... the weather was all too gloomy that Monday morning. its as if the weather had set the mood of that day.
At exactly 3pm all pain in hell let loose... i had to scream it all out just to ease my burdened tummy. I refused to move if only to be sure the baby will stay in me. i was willing to have the pain on a daily basis just so i can be sure the baby would be safe and sound.... all the world can do for my baby.... my baby Adelle, the 2nd baby i longed to have after 4 years. the baby i prayed for and have been waiting for... a gift for my 32nd birthday on March 4???
I felt the baby's last heart beat. i held my baby in m hands and i wanted to insert him back my uterus just to save it but there was nothing more i could do even the doctors. i was too afraid to accept that it was the baby... i was in the state of denial... i was telling the nurse its just something i ate or some awkward looking worm.... or my kidneys just found its way out of my system!!!????
According to the doctor the baby has Oligohhydramnios as they call it in medical term. there was already a problem even during conception. It may mean that my baby has a birth defect. The baby was not able to produce enough urine to maintain the level of amniotic fluid. The baby may have had congenital heart defect...
its pure complications!!! and i don't have anyone else to blame but myself for this miscarriage.
It is really very sad. I don't think I will ever get over the miscarriage, but I am trying to accept it. Perhaps, it was meant to be. Every time I see a girl whose as far along as i would be right now, or pass a baby aisle, or see baby clothes i feel like I'm going to die. I still wonder how long before i can be normal again and whats left....
I ask for your help in praying for baby Adelle that he/she may be back in God's loving arms. For me and my husband and the rest of the family who really feel very bad about what happened to baby Adelle.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Donna's Holiday Table Runner
Every Christmas time is a time to gather family, in lieu of crops, and celebrate unity, self-determination, responsibility, cooperation, purpose, creativity and faith.
A popular Filipino table decoration are woven place mats or table runners that symbolizes tradition. We used felt and ribbon to weave our holiday runner. In fact, it's become such a tabletop hit, we may turn it into a permanent fixture.
DIRECTIONS:
Place a 1-by-2-foot piece of green felt on a flat working surface so that the shorter edges are at the top and bottom. With fabric scissors, cut horizontal slits in the felt, leaving a 1-inch border on each side (adults only). Next, cut red and black ribbon into 24-inch lengths and weave them through the slits. Use fabric glue to attach the ribbon ends to the back of the felt. Then flip the runner over and fringe the ends.
A popular Filipino table decoration are woven place mats or table runners that symbolizes tradition. We used felt and ribbon to weave our holiday runner. In fact, it's become such a tabletop hit, we may turn it into a permanent fixture.
DIRECTIONS:
Place a 1-by-2-foot piece of green felt on a flat working surface so that the shorter edges are at the top and bottom. With fabric scissors, cut horizontal slits in the felt, leaving a 1-inch border on each side (adults only). Next, cut red and black ribbon into 24-inch lengths and weave them through the slits. Use fabric glue to attach the ribbon ends to the back of the felt. Then flip the runner over and fringe the ends.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Sofia Bettina Carmel Metran our Special Child
Sofia is a very special child.
She was born with a small heart and small brain and was diagnosed with Autism.
When my sister Almen gave birth to her, she was so tiny. She had to stay in the incubator for 1 month to increase her body weight. The doctor even told us that there was little chance of survival since she is underdeveloped.
Until now we still dont know exactly why, but the brain develops differently in Sofia. Finding the cause (or causes) of her disability is one of the most challenging for both my mommy (her grandma) and me because she was well taken cared when she was still in her mommy's womb even after birth.
The absence of a clear understanding about what caused Sofia's autism makes finding effective therapies very difficult. We tried PT services but it was so expensive that we try to learn the craft ourselves and take turn on giving her massages. We looked into the internet and try to search for its causes and we learned that Autism is inherited or can be passed through the genes but we dont have any relative with autism???
It seems that it is not clear why a genetic predisposition affects some family members and not others.
What we do now is we try our best to give Sofia "Emotional Quotient" since "I.Q" seems so difficult to achieve. She still stand 42 inches tall all talks like a 2 year old even if she's already 5 years old. She can only eat in small amounts and drinks water from the spoon. What's very amazing about this little angel is that she is very prayerful. she prays a lot and whenever she see's a picture of the blessed Mother Mary she would call her "Mama Mi!" and talks to her like the picture is talking back to her. Whenever she goes to prayer she would get a blankie and cover her head like what the Blessed Mother does and tells her "Bless Daddie! Bless Mommie!...san ka na! hanap mo ako???? Dito lang Sofi hintay kay Daddddie!".
When Sofia was diagnosed with the dreaded Kawasaki Disease, I felt the world fell down on me. But God was good. He touched people to give help for Sofia. The BCBP family, the Handmaids of the Lord my father inlaw Teddy Escosora, the Hon. Mayor Duterte and the very understanding I.C.P. management who helped us look for the intravenous medicines that costs P9,000 per vial were very kind to extend help in giving 2nd life to Sofia.
Haaay! sometimes this little angel touches me a lot! Her prayerful nature reminds me that we should always fulfill our religious obligation and that God is always there for us no matter what.
God Moves in mysterious ways !
She was born with a small heart and small brain and was diagnosed with Autism.
When my sister Almen gave birth to her, she was so tiny. She had to stay in the incubator for 1 month to increase her body weight. The doctor even told us that there was little chance of survival since she is underdeveloped.
Until now we still dont know exactly why, but the brain develops differently in Sofia. Finding the cause (or causes) of her disability is one of the most challenging for both my mommy (her grandma) and me because she was well taken cared when she was still in her mommy's womb even after birth.
The absence of a clear understanding about what caused Sofia's autism makes finding effective therapies very difficult. We tried PT services but it was so expensive that we try to learn the craft ourselves and take turn on giving her massages. We looked into the internet and try to search for its causes and we learned that Autism is inherited or can be passed through the genes but we dont have any relative with autism???
It seems that it is not clear why a genetic predisposition affects some family members and not others.
What we do now is we try our best to give Sofia "Emotional Quotient" since "I.Q" seems so difficult to achieve. She still stand 42 inches tall all talks like a 2 year old even if she's already 5 years old. She can only eat in small amounts and drinks water from the spoon. What's very amazing about this little angel is that she is very prayerful. she prays a lot and whenever she see's a picture of the blessed Mother Mary she would call her "Mama Mi!" and talks to her like the picture is talking back to her. Whenever she goes to prayer she would get a blankie and cover her head like what the Blessed Mother does and tells her "Bless Daddie! Bless Mommie!...san ka na! hanap mo ako???? Dito lang Sofi hintay kay Daddddie!".
When Sofia was diagnosed with the dreaded Kawasaki Disease, I felt the world fell down on me. But God was good. He touched people to give help for Sofia. The BCBP family, the Handmaids of the Lord my father inlaw Teddy Escosora, the Hon. Mayor Duterte and the very understanding I.C.P. management who helped us look for the intravenous medicines that costs P9,000 per vial were very kind to extend help in giving 2nd life to Sofia.
Haaay! sometimes this little angel touches me a lot! Her prayerful nature reminds me that we should always fulfill our religious obligation and that God is always there for us no matter what.
God Moves in mysterious ways !
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Strange ways of Telling the Future
I just want to share this very unusual ways of telling the future from Uncle John’s Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader:
Scarpomancy: Predict someone’s future by studying their old shoes.
Tiromancy: Study the shape, holes, mold, and other features on a piece of cheese.
Scatomancy: Predict your future by studying your own poop. (Not to be confused with spatulamancy, the study of “skin, bones, and excrement.”)
Bibliomancy: Open the Bible and read the first passage you see – that’s your fortune. (In some Christian denomination, this is grounds for excommunication.)
Stichomancy: Read the first passage of any book you see.
Pynchonomancy: Throw darts at a paperback copy of Gravity’s Rainbow, by Thomas Pynchon, then read the sentence on the deepest page penetrated by the dart.
Uromancy: Predict someone’s future by studying their urine.
Dilitiriomancy: Feed African benge poison to a chicken. Ask the gods a question, being careful to end the question with, “if the chicken dies, the answer is yes,” or “if the chicken dies, the answer is no.” Then wait to see if the chicken dies.
Haruspication: Study the guts of an animal, preferably a sacred one.
Hepatoscopy: Study only the animal’s liver; ignore the rest of the guts.
Alphitomancy: Feed a special cake to an alleged wrongdoer. An innocent person will be able to eat and digest the cake, a guilty person will gag on the cake or become ill.
Alepouomancy: Draw a grid in the dirt outside of your village. Each square represents a different question. Sprinkle the grid with peanuts, wait for a fox to eat them, then study the fox’s footprint to see how the questions are answered.
Scarpomancy: Predict someone’s future by studying their old shoes.
Tiromancy: Study the shape, holes, mold, and other features on a piece of cheese.
Scatomancy: Predict your future by studying your own poop. (Not to be confused with spatulamancy, the study of “skin, bones, and excrement.”)
Bibliomancy: Open the Bible and read the first passage you see – that’s your fortune. (In some Christian denomination, this is grounds for excommunication.)
Stichomancy: Read the first passage of any book you see.
Pynchonomancy: Throw darts at a paperback copy of Gravity’s Rainbow, by Thomas Pynchon, then read the sentence on the deepest page penetrated by the dart.
Uromancy: Predict someone’s future by studying their urine.
Dilitiriomancy: Feed African benge poison to a chicken. Ask the gods a question, being careful to end the question with, “if the chicken dies, the answer is yes,” or “if the chicken dies, the answer is no.” Then wait to see if the chicken dies.
Haruspication: Study the guts of an animal, preferably a sacred one.
Hepatoscopy: Study only the animal’s liver; ignore the rest of the guts.
Alphitomancy: Feed a special cake to an alleged wrongdoer. An innocent person will be able to eat and digest the cake, a guilty person will gag on the cake or become ill.
Alepouomancy: Draw a grid in the dirt outside of your village. Each square represents a different question. Sprinkle the grid with peanuts, wait for a fox to eat them, then study the fox’s footprint to see how the questions are answered.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)