I had miscarriage

Last February 19, 2009 doctor's Appointment with my obgyn confirmed i was approx. 5 weeks pregnant. I was sooo excited. She measured the uterus and said it was a bit small, so she sent me in for an ultrasound "just to check".

I wasn't worried at all...just excited to see the baby, and I knew we had heartbeat and movement.

I wanted a baby more than anything else in the world.
I longed to be a mommy again and I wasn't going to give up on this dream without a fight. What could possibly be wrong?

Not until Friday, when all the world fell apart. I was bleeding and had to be rushed to the hospital! Monday came, February 23, 2009 I lost my baby just when i knew i was 5 weeks pregnant. its really hard and i don't know if I should blame myself for the situation i brought myself into ???? i dot know but it truly pains... the weather was all too gloomy that Monday morning. its as if the weather had set the mood of that day.

At exactly 3pm all pain in hell let loose... i had to scream it all out just to ease my burdened tummy. I refused to move if only to be sure the baby will stay in me. i was willing to have the pain on a daily basis just so i can be sure the baby would be safe and sound.... all the world can do for my baby.... my baby Adelle, the 2nd baby i longed to have after 4 years. the baby i prayed for and have been waiting for... a gift for my 32nd birthday on March 4???

I felt the baby's last heart beat. i held my baby in m hands and i wanted to insert him back my uterus just to save it but there was nothing more i could do even the doctors. i was too afraid to accept that it was the baby... i was in the state of denial... i was telling the nurse its just something i ate or some awkward looking worm.... or my kidneys just  found its way out of my system!!!????

According to the doctor the baby has Oligohhydramnios as they call it in medical term. there was already a problem even during conception. It may mean that my baby has a birth defect. The baby was not able to produce enough urine to maintain the level of amniotic fluid. The baby may have had congenital heart defect...
its  pure complications!!!  and i don't have anyone else to blame but myself for this miscarriage.

It is really very sad. I don't think I will ever get over the miscarriage, but I am trying to accept it. Perhaps, it was meant to be. Every time I see a girl whose as far along as i would be right now, or pass a baby aisle, or see baby clothes i feel like I'm going to die. I still wonder how long before i can be normal again and whats left....

I ask for your help in praying for baby Adelle that he/she may be back in God's loving arms. For me and my husband and the rest of the family who really feel very bad about  what happened to baby Adelle.